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Variations of Grief
We all mourn in different ways, for different reasons, and for different periods of time. But there are certain types of grief that are common after a loss and a service at a funeral home in Boiling Springs, NC.
Professionals identify types of grief to give people a better understanding of their feelings and actions so they can better heal and move forward. Here are some of the most common types of grief:
- Inhibited – This type of grief is feelings of loss that manifest as physical ailments like muscle aches, headaches, stomach pain, or other issues.
- Complicated – Complicated grief is best characterized by grief that worsens over time. While it might start out simple, it deepens as the months pass into a disabling and sometimes life-changing feeling.
- Traumatic – This type of grief is common after the sudden loss of a loved one as this type of unexpected death can be considered traumatic for most people.
- Chronic – As the name denotes, chronic grief is long-lasting. While most people mourn for years after a loss, those with chronic grief have debilitating symptoms for long periods of time.
- Exaggerated – For many, exaggerated grief starts normal but grows in intensity as time passes, often leading to anger, self-harm, and other destructive feelings or actions.
- Distorted – Distorted grief is characterized by feelings of anger and guilt instead of common feelings of loss and sadness. For example, a parent who feels angry after the loss of a child.
- Anticipatory – Anticipatory grief is what you feel when you know a loved one is going to die but they haven’t passed yet, such as when they’re suffering from a terminal illness.
- Disenfranchised – This type of grief comes when you lose a relationship that’s considered outside the normal family structure or outside the normal definition of recognized relationships. Sometimes called hidden grief, disenfranchised grief is common after an abortion, the loss of a pet, or even the death of a casual friend.
- Collective – Collective grief is a loss felt by a large group of people, such as when a celebrity dies or there’s a tragedy like 9-11 or the COVID-19 pandemic.
- Absent – Absent grief is when you show few or even no signs of grief. Sometimes used as a defense mechanism, absent grief is easy to write off. But it’s important to remember that there’s no way to tell from the outside how someone is truly feeling.
- Delayed – Delayed grief, like the name denotes, is when grief is postponed for a period of time because you haven’t accepted the loss, you feel like you can’t feel the loss or another reason for putting off your feelings.
- Abbreviated –Most common after the loss of someone that you weren’t particularly close with, abbreviated grief is when the grief is short but real.
- Cumulative – Cumulative grief is when a new loss brings back feelings of grief from a previous loss, such as another death, a move, or even the loss of a job, and those feelings compound one another.
Do you want more information on loss, grief, or Boiling Springs, NC funeral homes? We are here to help. Call or visit us today to learn more about what we can do for you.
Urns and Aquamation Services
Is this the first time you’ve ever thought about aquamation urns right before or after an aquamation service in Kings Mountain, NC? It’s much better to be prepared!
Here is a list of things you should know about aquamation urns to help you get ready for the death of a loved one or to prepare for your own passing:
- An urn is just a container. An urn can be whatever kind of container you want or need it to be. As long as the container can hold the cremated remains, it counts as an aquamation urn.
- Capacity is important. While you should check an urn’s exterior measurements to see if it will suit your needs, you also need to check its capacity to make sure it will fit the cremains. Many urns have decorative edges or accents, making exterior dimensions useless when it comes to determining the urn’s interior size. Always double-check an urn’s interior dimensions before you make a purchase.
- You can pre-purchase urns. If you’re planning for your own eventual passing, you can pre-purchase an aquamation urn. This way, you’ll not only ensure that you get the urn that you want but you will also take one thing off your loved one’s to-do list. Simply store your urn in a box until it’s needed.
- You can rent an urn for a service. If you only want to have an urn for a funeral or memorial service, you can rent one. This is a great way to save money if you’d rather use the expensive, fancy urn for the service but want to scatter, bury, or otherwise inter the ashes afterward. Most funeral homes or aquamation providers have a selection of urns you can rent, so check with your provider.
- You don’t have to buy an aquamation urn from a funeral home or aquamation provider. While it’s often very convenient to get an aquamation urn from your provider, you don’t have to. You can buy an urn online, at a store, or wherever you can find one. You can also make an urn or use the one that comes free with the aquamation.
- The funeral home will transfer the remains for you. Since funeral homes are required to use an aquamation container of your choosing, they will transfer the cremated remains into that container for you.
- Use exterior measurements for placement. Do check an urn’s exterior measurements to make sure that it will fit in the place of your choosing. For example, if you want to house the urn in a columbarium niche, make sure it fits the niche’s dimensions. Or, if you want to keep the urn on your mantle, ensure it’s not too wide or too tall to fit safely.
We are here to help you, as there are a lot of things to think about when you’re planning a Kings Mountain, NC aquamation service. Call or visit us today to learn more about what we can do for you in your time of loss or preplanning.
The Grief You Never Think About
Losing a loved one and going through their service at a funeral home in Kings Mountain, NC is one of the hardest parts of life. What happens if you can’t grieve the loss of a loved one? What do you do if you feel like your emotions are frozen in place? This is called absent grief.
Absent grief is when someone shows little to no signs of normal grief, such as crying, lethargy, missing the deceased, or anger. Many doctors believe that this kind of grief comes from an underlying avoidance or denial of the loss. Though absent grief is very common, many people don’t know much about it. Here are some fast facts about absent grief to provide guidance and context:
- Absent grief can have physical symptoms – Holding in your feelings of loss can take a toll on the body, leading to heart palpitations, insomnia, fatigue, or eating disorders.
- Death isn’t the only event that can cause absent grief – Other life events besides death can cause absent grief, including divorce, job loss, regret, or loss of a romantic relationship or friendship.
- Absent grief isn’t just denial – The “denial” stage of grief is when you try and deny the death happened. Most people face denial in the first few hours or days after a loss. But denial becomes absent grief when the denial continues for much longer.
- It’s OK if you weren’t close to the deceased – Some might feel like they have absent grief if they aren’t grieving, but it might simply be that they just weren’t that close to the deceased. If that’s the case, it’s OK. You don’t have to demonstrate deep grief over someone you weren’t close to.
- The symptoms of absent grief are varied – Symptoms of absent grief include no signs or symptoms of grieving whatsoever, irritability, forgetting about the loss, not feeling connected to the loss, and denial.
- Grief is often unexpected – Grief looks and feels different for everyone, so it’s often tough to pinpoint when someone is experiencing absent grief. Check-in with yourself or the grieving person to see how you or they are feeling.
- Avoiding grief isn’t obvious – There are many ways people that experience absent grief tries to avoid grieving. For example, they can focus on taking care of others, lose themselves to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain, or dive into work in order to distract themselves.
- Anticipatory grief can lead to absent grief – Anticipatory grief is when someone grieves a loss before it actually happened. Oftentimes, if you grieve before death, you won’t feel as much pain after death.
- You can move on – You can move on from absent grief. Once you accept the loss you can work through your pain and grief to move forward with your life. If you need help doing so, don’t be ashamed. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help.
We are here to help if you have more questions on absent grief, dealing with a loss, or Kings Mountain, NC funeral homes. Call or visit us today to learn more about what we can do to help in your time of loss.
The Five Stages of Grief
What can the five stages of grief do for you? The five stages of grief are a well-known blueprint that helps people understand how they grieve and offers guidance on how to get through a loss and an aquamation service in Shelby, NC.
Grief doesn’t come all at once or all in the same way, it often moves through stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychologist, first developed these five stages in 1969 to help illustrate that fact that, while every human experience grief differently, almost everyone moves through one or many of these five stages at some point in the grieving process. Some people might move through all, others just one, and more still might experience only a few. Kubler-Ross also believed that the order of the five stages isn’t necessarily important, as people might experience them in varying orders and intensities, even moving back and forth between them.
Denial is when you don’t want to believe or an unable to believe that your loved one has died. The “this can’t be happening to me” reaction is very normal and is usually the first reaction after a loss. Denial can also come in the form of telling people you’re fine even though you’re not because you’re denying your true feelings of grief. Anger generally sets in when you realize you can’t deny or fight the loss any longer. You might become angry at the people around you, taking your anger out on doctors and nurses who “failed” your loved one or on yourself for making a mistake that might have led to or worsened the situation. Some even direct their anger toward God or a higher power.
Bargaining is when you deny the truth by trying to change it. It might manifest as trying to get the doctors to bring in another expert or try a new treatment, or as pleading with God or a higher power for more time or a different outcome. Like the name sounds, depression is when you feel hopeless or that you can’t go on because of the loss. You might feel overwhelmed, alone, and lost. The final stage, acceptance is where you come to terms with the fact that your loved one is or is going to be gone. The grief and pain don’t go away in this stage, but you do accept and feel those feelings. When you reach the fifth stage of grief, you begin to plan how you will move on with your life.
While it’s not a comprehensive guideline, the five stages of grief do help, comfort, and a basic understanding of how we experience grief and how that experience changes over time.
Do you have more questions? We are here to assist with your planning needs, just as the five stages of grief are a helpful tool for anyone dealing with a loss or planning a Shelby, NC aquamation service. Call or visit us today to learn more.
Alternative Funeral Home Payment Methods
What do you do if you can’t afford a funeral at a funeral home in Shelby, NC? Here are answers to common questions surrounding paying for funerals and cremation services:
- How do you pay for a funeral with little or no money? There are many ways to cover funeral expenses, including low-cost options and fundraising.
- What happens if you refuse to pay for a funeral? The funeral home is not obligated to take custody of a body. If a family does not or will not pay, the funeral home does not have to accept the body. If the funeral home already has custody of the body and the family refuses to pay, the funeral home will pause all funeral services and planning, store the body in the cooler, and charge the family a storage fee for every day the body is there. The funeral home has the right to refuse services and can transfer the body to the state at any time, but they cannot hold a body hostage in order to get paid.
- Are there free cremations or burials? If you cannot afford a burial or cremation, you can sign a form with the county coroner’s office, and the state will bury or cremate the body for you. This will be at no cost, but you won’t have any say in where or how.
- Is body donation free? Donating a body to research does result in a no-cost cremation. You can donate your body to science through institutions like medical laboratories, medical schools, and local hospitals.
- Do you have to have a funeral? You’re not required to have a funeral. So, if you can’t afford one, you don’t have to worry. You’re more than welcome to select a direct burial or direct cremation option (the most affordable final disposition services) in order to save money. But if you want to have a funeral or service, there are ways to do so without spending too much money.
- Can you get a funeral loan? Anyone can apply for a funeral loan to get help paying for funeral expenses. They are generally available through credit unions, banks, and online lenders.
- Who pays for the funeral if the deceased has no money? If there isn’t any money in the deceased’s estate, the next of kin traditionally pay for funeral expenses. If the next of kin isn’t able or doesn’t want to pay, there won’t be a funeral.
- Are there government bodies that help with funeral costs? There are several government organizations that can help with final disposition and funeral costs including Social Security, the State Department of Health, Veteran’s Affairs, and even FEMA if the deceased died in a natural disaster.
Funerals don’t have to be extravagant and expensive, but they do cost money. Paying for a service at a Shelby, NC funeral home can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. We are here to help if you would like to learn more about preplanning or dealing with a recent loss.
The Benefits of Aquamation Over Traditional Burial
There are many who prefer aquamation services in Boiling Springs, NC, even though traditional burial is still very popular for many reasons. In fact, some might argue that aquamation is quickly becoming the standard for final disposition.
To better understand aquamation’s popularity and to help you decide if it’s the right choice for you, here are some of the benefits of aquamation over burial:
- Choosing the Service Time – With traditional burial, you’re pretty much limited to the standard service timeline of a few days to a week after the death. This can feel like a ticking clock that only adds to the stress of death. However, aquamation allows for much more flexibility when it comes to scheduling a service, providing you with the time and ability to plan a service that works with your needs.
- Keep Loved Ones Near – Aquamation also allows you to make aquamation jewelry so you can always keep your lost loved one close to you. Aquamation jewelry can be one of two things: one, a jewelry item made with some kind of container that holds a small portion of the cremains, or two, a jewelry item that was made with some of the remains infused with the metal.
- Portability – Since aquamation reduces remains into the smallest possible components, the process makes remains incredibly portable. This means that, unlike with burial, aquamation allows you to bring your lost loved one with you if you so choose, whether that means on a hike for you to scatter them in a favorite spot or even when you go on vacation, so they’ll be always near you.
- Choosing the Final Resting Place – A burial means that your lost loved one’s final resting place will be a cemetery. Aquamation, on the other hand, allows for a low more flexibility when choosing a final resting place. From an urn kept at home or in a columbarium to scattering at sea or in a special location, your loved one’s final resting place can be almost anything with aquamation.
- Saving Land – The world’s population is only growing, but the world itself is not. This makes land a very valuable resource that, in some people’s view, shouldn’t be used for burials. Aquamation is a wonderful solution to this issue as it does not take up any land at all.
- Cost – In many cases, a full-service funeral with an aquamation can cost about half as much as a full-service funeral with a traditional burial. Direct aquamations and aquamations with memorial services can bring that total cost down even further.
- No Embalming – Embalming is almost always required for burial, but many embalming techniques use a chemical called formaldehyde that’s very bad for the environment. Aquamation allows you to skip embalming entirely, which helps the planet in the long run.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with burial and it’s still a wonderful final disposition method if it’s what you want. These are just a few of the many benefits of aquamation over traditional burial. We are here to help if you want to learn more about Boiling Springs, NC aquamation services. Call or visit us today for more information.
How to Decorate a Gravesite
Personalizing your lost loved one’s graveside with decorations after a funeral home service in Boiling Springs, NC is a wonderful way to recognize their passing and celebrate their life. But how do you decorate a gravesite?
Use these tips to help guide you as you decorate your lost loved one’s gravesite and honor their memory. But remember, at the end of the day, whatever décor you choose should be focused on the deceased and their life.
- Think About the Season – A great place to start with gravesite décor is with the season. For example, create a Christmas or Hannukah decoration around the holidays or set up a pumpkin-inspired scene in the fall.
- Choose Durable or Permanent Decorations – Don’t leave anything on the grave that will become dirty or damaged if left outside in the elements. Instead, opt for materials that are tough in the face of wind, rain, sun, heat, or cold.
- Check Cemetery Rules – Most cemeteries have guidelines for what can and cannot be left on graves. Be sure to check with your cemetery before leaving any decorations.
- Keep It Well Lit and Visible – Small items left on gravesites are often accidentally stepped on or destroyed by the cemetery caretakers. Make sure your items are either big enough to attract attention or well-lit.
- Consider Faith and Culture – Another great way to find gravesite decoration inspiration is to look at the deceased’s faith and culture. Honor their heritage and beliefs with décor, and be sure not to leave something that would be offensive to their faith.
- Consider the Weather – You want to avoid leaving something that will spoil in the hot sun during the summer, or something that will freeze and break during the cold winter. Think about the season and the weather when choosing your décor.
- Come Back and Check – If you choose to leave décor on your lost loved one’s gravesite, be sure to come back and check on it regularly. Replace worn-out or damaged decorations so the grave doesn’t become an eyesore.
While every cemetery will most likely have its own unique rules and guidelines for what can and cannot be left on gravesites, there are common items that you should always avoid using in gravesite décor. For example, avoid mylar or latex balloons. These materials are very dangerous for animals. Instead, try blowing bubbles, leaving garden spinners, or using biodegradable materials. Also, don’t put up a fence or blocker of some kind around the grave as it will prevent the employees from performing maintenance, and don’t use glass as it can break and cause injuries. Finally, avoid unsecured or lightweight décor. If the decorations don’t stay put, they could end up all over the cemetery, which is disrespectful to other mourners and causes extra work for the staff.
Keeping their grave beautiful can also go a long way towards helping you work through your grief and loss. Do you want more tips on decorating gravesites or Boiling Springs, NC funeral homes? We are here to help and are honored to do what we can for you in your time of loss.
Ideas to Decorate a Gravesite
A great way to celebrate your lost loved one’s life, honor their passing, and soothe the feelings of loss is by decorating their gravesite. If you’re decorating a gravesite after your lost loved one’s aquamation service in Kings Mountain, NC, you need these helpful tips and inspirational ideas for their final resting place:
- Personalized Flower Vase – Instead of a standard vase, invest in a personalized one that features a special message to your loved one, an etching, or any kind of meaningful inscription.
- Fresh Flowers – Even a simple, fresh bouquet that you leave once a week mean a lot. Plus, they give you a chance to visit the gravesite often.
- Solar Lights – Solar garden lights charge during the day with solar power, then light up at night. Find ones that are flush to the ground or ones that stick up on stakes.
- Preserved Flowers – Keep the flowers on your lost loved one’s grave fresh forever by preserving them. Order a custom-preserved bouquet in resin, or purchase a paperweight orb with flowers inside.
- Memorial Candles – Flameless battery or solar-powered candles are just as beautiful as real candles, but are much safer and longer-lasting.
- Personalized Photo Lantern – You can order custom lanterns that are printed with a photo of your lost loved one. Place a flameless candle inside the lantern and leave it on the grave to light up at night.
- Floral Saddle – A cemetery saddle is a flower arrangement resting on a metal “saddle.” It has legs so it can balance on top of the headstone.
- Solar Flowers – Solar flowers are fake flowers that light up at night after charging throughout the day in the sun.
- Candle Figurines – Buy a candle figurine that holds any candles you choose and represents a meaningful image, like an angel, animal, or symbol. You can even repurpose an old jar or mason jar by filling it with candles or twinkle lights.
- Personalized Flag – Place a flag on the ground near the gravesite with a personalized photo, message, or image. Add dates to make it even more personal.
- Memorial Stones – Stones have been used in memorialization for centuries. There are even examples in the Bible. Paint a stone yourself or order one online.
- Homemade Tributes – Nothing is more meaningful than a homemade tribute like handwritten notes, paintings, drawings, or even typed-up poems or memories.
- Memorial Benches – If the cemetery allows, place a memorial bench near the gravesite so you always have a place to sit and remember fond days when visiting.
- American Flag – If your lost loved one was a veteran, plant an American flag or the flag of their armed forces division.
- Grave Blankets – Grave blankets are painted with grass, foliage, or flowers so they can make the grave green and lovely even in the winter months when it’s too cold for fresh plants.
These are just a few of the many ways you can decorate your lost loved one’s gravesite. We are here to help if want more inspiration or information on Kings Mountain, NC aquamation services.
What is Prolonged Grief?
Prolonged grief is just one of the many types of grief that people can experience after a loss and a service at a funeral home in Kings Mountain, NC. It’s when you continue to feel overwhelming or debilitating feelings of sadness and mourning over a loss that happened several months or years in the past.
This kind of grief is very common when you lose a very close loved one, like a child or a spouse, and is sometimes referred to as Prolonged Grief Disorder because of its devastating effects on health, mental state, and overall wellness. The symptoms of prolonged grief include:
- Loss of trust in others or oneself
- Numbness to emotion
- Extreme anger or bitterness
- Debilitating or unreasonable fear of more loss
- Overreactions to minor losses or issues
- Fixation on the loss
- Difficulty accepting the loss
- Loss of purpose or direction
- Loss of self-identity or self-worth
Here are some fast facts on prolonged grief to help you better understand the condition and its impact on someone going through a loss:
- Some people are more likely to experience PGD than others – Some people are predisposed to prolonged grief, such as parents who have lost a child, women, people who have lost someone suddenly or violently, and those that are already suffering from other hardships like divorce or depression.
- Prolonged grief isn’t just about death – People who have suffered other kinds of losses besides death can suffer from PGD. These losses can include the loss of a job, divorce, or even the loss of a dream.
- Counseling goes a long way – One of the best ways to get through PGD is by seeking professional help early and often. Talking through your grief can help you accept it, which in turn can help you move forward in life. There is no shame in seeking help for any kind of mental distress, including grief.
- Prolonged Grief Disorder is a real diagnosis – Prolonged Grief Disorder, or PGD, is a real diagnosis recognized by the World Health Organization and most mental health professionals. It’s defined through symptoms, their severity, and their length. In fact, PGD is well on its way to being classified as a mental disorder. It has been suggested for inclusion in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or the DSM.
- Time doesn’t necessarily heal – The old adage “time heals all wounds” might be true for some, but it isn’t true for all people or all grief. In fact, for most people, grief over a loss is never fully “healed,” but rather it just becomes a part of life that they carry with them.
- You can recover from PGD – While you may never “heal” from a loss, you can recover from prolonged grief disorder and be able to cope with the loss while living your life. The best ways to recover from the condition are to seek professional help, join a support group, and put an emphasis on your own personal stress and grief management.
Loss is never easy, but with the right support, you can get through prolonged grief. We are here to help if you want to learn more about grief, loss, or Kings Mountain, NC funeral homes. Call or visit us today.
Have You Felt Abbreviated Grief?
Whether you’re planning a funeral or an aquamation service in Shelby, NC, you should be aware of the different kinds of grief and how to handle them, like abbreviated grief.
Abbreviated grief, as the name signifies, is mourning that doesn’t last a long time. Though it’s short or abbreviated, this kind of grief isn’t any less real than other kinds. Abbreviated grief is most common when there isn’t a close relationship with the deceased or when there’s an immediate replacement of the deceased. For example, it can occur when a widower remarries quickly after the death of his spouse, or when a distant relative dies. It can also occur after a terminal illness because of a phenomenon called anticipatory grief, which is when you do part of your grieving before the person actually dies so you don’t grieve as long after death.
Here are some fast facts about abbreviated grief to help you better understand and cope with your own loss. To begin, children often feel abbreviated grief. It’s normal for children to feel abbreviated grief depending on their age and relationship with the deceased. Also, abbreviated grief is grief. While this kind of grief may not seem real or standard, it’s still very real and does happen often. Plus, everyone grieves differently.
Abbreviated grief can affect your health. No matter how short or long, grief has been shown to affect health by causing issues like increased blood pressure, poor sleep, physical aches and pains, trouble concentrating, and even heart palpitations. There is no shame in seeking help for physical grief manifestations. Though abbreviated grief is short you still need to remember to take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, and exercise if you can, as keeping your body healthy will make it easier for you to feel better.
Also, feeling your grief is always best. While it may be very tempting to numb your grief and pain with drugs, food, alcohol, or distractions like work, it’s always best to feel your feelings. It might be uncomfortable or painful, but you won’t be able to properly heal if you don’t allow yourself to truly grieve. It’s important to note that you don’t need to lose a loved one to grieve. People can experience abbreviated grief, and other kinds of grief, after a loss that isn’t a death. These can include divorce, loss of a friendship, job loss, or learning you can’t have kids. Finally, don’t feel pressure to prolong your grief or feel guilty over the length of your grief.
Everyone mourns differently and in their own time, so don’t feel pressure or judgment because of how you feel. Remember, everyone grieves in their own unique way and in their own unique timeframe. Don’t compare your grief to someone else’s or judge another person for the way they mourn, even if you or they are dealing with abbreviated grief.
We are here to help if you want to learn more about grieving or about Shelby, NC aquamation services. Call or visit us today for more information on what we can do for you in your time of loss or preplanning.