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Variations of Grief

We all mourn in different ways, for different reasons, and for different periods of time. But there are certain types of grief that are common after a loss and a service at a funeral home in Boiling Springs, NC.

Professionals identify types of grief to give people a better understanding of their feelings and actions so they can better heal and move forward. Here are some of the most common types of grief:

Inhibited – This type of grief is feelings of loss that manifest as physical ailments like muscle aches, headaches, stomach pain, or other issues.
Complicated – Complicated grief is best characterized by grief that worsens over time. While it might start out simple, it deepens as the months pass into a disabling and sometimes life-changing feeling.
Traumatic – This type of grief is common after the sudden loss of a loved one as this type of unexpected death can be considered traumatic for most people.
Chronic – As the name denotes, chronic grief is long-lasting. While most people mourn for years after a loss, those with chronic grief have debilitating symptoms for long periods of time.
Exaggerated – For many, exaggerated grief starts normal but grows in intensity as time passes, often leading to anger, self-harm, and other destructive feelings or actions.
Distorted – Distorted grief is characterized by feelings of anger and guilt instead of common feelings of loss and sadness. For example, a parent who feels angry after the loss of a child.
Anticipatory – Anticipatory grief is what you feel when you know a loved one is going to die but they haven’t passed yet, such as when they’re suffering from a terminal illness.
Disenfranchised – This type of grief comes when you lose a relationship that’s considered outside the normal family structure or outside the normal definition of recognized relationships. Sometimes called hidden grief, disenfranchised grief is common after an abortion, the loss of a pet, or even the death of a casual friend.
Collective – Collective grief is a loss felt by a large group of people, such as when a celebrity dies or there’s a tragedy like 9-11 or the COVID-19 pandemic.
Absent – Absent grief is when you show few or even no signs of grief. Sometimes used as a defense mechanism, absent grief is easy to write off. But it’s important to remember that there’s no way to tell from the outside how someone is truly feeling.
Delayed – Delayed grief, like the name denotes, is when grief is postponed for a period of time because you haven’t accepted the loss, you feel like you can’t feel the loss or another reason for putting off your feelings.
Abbreviated –Most common after the loss of someone that you weren’t particularly close with, abbreviated grief is when the grief is short but real.
Cumulative – Cumulative grief is when a new loss brings back feelings of grief from a previous loss, such as another death, a move, or even the loss of a job, and those feelings compound one another.

Do you want more information on loss, grief, or Boiling Springs, NC funeral homes? We are here to help. Call or visit us today to learn more about what we can do for you.

The Grief You Never Think About

Losing a loved one and going through their service at a funeral home in Kings Mountain, NC is one of the hardest parts of life. What happens if you can’t grieve the loss of a loved one? What do you do if you feel like your emotions are frozen in place? This is called absent grief.

Absent grief is when someone shows little to no signs of normal grief, such as crying, lethargy, missing the deceased, or anger. Many doctors believe that this kind of grief comes from an underlying avoidance or denial of the loss. Though absent grief is very common, many people don’t know much about it. Here are some fast facts about absent grief to provide guidance and context:

Absent grief can have physical symptoms – Holding in your feelings of loss can take a toll on the body, leading to heart palpitations, insomnia, fatigue, or eating disorders.
Death isn’t the only event that can cause absent grief – Other life events besides death can cause absent grief, including divorce, job loss, regret, or loss of a romantic relationship or friendship.
Absent grief isn’t just denial – The “denial” stage of grief is when you try and deny the death happened. Most people face denial in the first few hours or days after a loss. But denial becomes absent grief when the denial continues for much longer.
It’s OK if you weren’t close to the deceased – Some might feel like they have absent grief if they aren’t grieving, but it might simply be that they just weren’t that close to the deceased. If that’s the case, it’s OK. You don’t have to demonstrate deep grief over someone you weren’t close to.
The symptoms of absent grief are varied – Symptoms of absent grief include no signs or symptoms of grieving whatsoever, irritability, forgetting about the loss, not feeling connected to the loss, and denial.
Grief is often unexpected – Grief looks and feels different for everyone, so it’s often tough to pinpoint when someone is experiencing absent grief. Check-in with yourself or the grieving person to see how you or they are feeling.
Avoiding grief isn’t obvious – There are many ways people that experience absent grief tries to avoid grieving. For example, they can focus on taking care of others, lose themselves to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain, or dive into work in order to distract themselves.
Anticipatory grief can lead to absent grief – Anticipatory grief is when someone grieves a loss before it actually happened. Oftentimes, if you grieve before death, you won’t feel as much pain after death.
You can move on – You can move on from absent grief. Once you accept the loss you can work through your pain and grief to move forward with your life. If you need help doing so, don’t be ashamed. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help.

We are here to help if you have more questions on absent grief, dealing with a loss, or Kings Mountain, NC funeral homes. Call or visit us today to learn more about what we can do to help in your time of loss.

Alternative Funeral Home Payment Methods

What do you do if you can’t afford a funeral at a funeral home in Shelby, NC? Here are answers to common questions surrounding paying for funerals and cremation services:

How do you pay for a funeral with little or no money? There are many ways to cover funeral expenses, including low-cost options and fundraising.
What happens if you refuse to pay for a funeral? The funeral home is not obligated to take custody of a body. If a family does not or will not pay, the funeral home does not have to accept the body. If the funeral home already has custody of the body and the family refuses to pay, the funeral home will pause all funeral services and planning, store the body in the cooler, and charge the family a storage fee for every day the body is there. The funeral home has the right to refuse services and can transfer the body to the state at any time, but they cannot hold a body hostage in order to get paid.
Are there free cremations or burials? If you cannot afford a burial or cremation, you can sign a form with the county coroner’s office, and the state will bury or cremate the body for you. This will be at no cost, but you won’t have any say in where or how.
Is body donation free? Donating a body to research does result in a no-cost cremation. You can donate your body to science through institutions like medical laboratories, medical schools, and local hospitals.
Do you have to have a funeral? You’re not required to have a funeral. So, if you can’t afford one, you don’t have to worry. You’re more than welcome to select a direct burial or direct cremation option (the most affordable final disposition services) in order to save money. But if you want to have a funeral or service, there are ways to do so without spending too much money.
Can you get a funeral loan? Anyone can apply for a funeral loan to get help paying for funeral expenses. They are generally available through credit unions, banks, and online lenders.
Who pays for the funeral if the deceased has no money? If there isn’t any money in the deceased’s estate, the next of kin traditionally pay for funeral expenses. If the next of kin isn’t able or doesn’t want to pay, there won’t be a funeral.
Are there government bodies that help with funeral costs? There are several government organizations that can help with final disposition and funeral costs including Social Security, the State Department of Health, Veteran’s Affairs, and even FEMA if the deceased died in a natural disaster.

Funerals don’t have to be extravagant and expensive, but they do cost money. Paying for a service at a Shelby, NC funeral home can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. We are here to help if you would like to learn more about preplanning or dealing with a recent loss.

How to Decorate a Gravesite

Personalizing your lost loved one’s graveside with decorations after a funeral home service in Boiling Springs, NC is a wonderful way to recognize their passing and celebrate their life. But how do you decorate a gravesite?

Use these tips to help guide you as you decorate your lost loved one’s gravesite and honor their memory. But remember, at the end of the day, whatever décor you choose should be focused on the deceased and their life.

Think About the Season – A great place to start with gravesite décor is with the season. For example, create a Christmas or Hannukah decoration around the holidays or set up a pumpkin-inspired scene in the fall.
Choose Durable or Permanent Decorations – Don’t leave anything on the grave that will become dirty or damaged if left outside in the elements. Instead, opt for materials that are tough in the face of wind, rain, sun, heat, or cold.
Check Cemetery Rules – Most cemeteries have guidelines for what can and cannot be left on graves. Be sure to check with your cemetery before leaving any decorations.
Keep It Well Lit and Visible – Small items left on gravesites are often accidentally stepped on or destroyed by the cemetery caretakers. Make sure your items are either big enough to attract attention or well-lit.
Consider Faith and Culture – Another great way to find gravesite decoration inspiration is to look at the deceased’s faith and culture. Honor their heritage and beliefs with décor, and be sure not to leave something that would be offensive to their faith.
Consider the Weather – You want to avoid leaving something that will spoil in the hot sun during the summer, or something that will freeze and break during the cold winter. Think about the season and the weather when choosing your décor.
Come Back and Check – If you choose to leave décor on your lost loved one’s gravesite, be sure to come back and check on it regularly. Replace worn-out or damaged decorations so the grave doesn’t become an eyesore.

While every cemetery will most likely have its own unique rules and guidelines for what can and cannot be left on gravesites, there are common items that you should always avoid using in gravesite décor. For example, avoid mylar or latex balloons. These materials are very dangerous for animals. Instead, try blowing bubbles, leaving garden spinners, or using biodegradable materials. Also, don’t put up a fence or blocker of some kind around the grave as it will prevent the employees from performing maintenance, and don’t use glass as it can break and cause injuries. Finally, avoid unsecured or lightweight décor. If the decorations don’t stay put, they could end up all over the cemetery, which is disrespectful to other mourners and causes extra work for the staff.

Keeping their grave beautiful can also go a long way towards helping you work through your grief and loss. Do you want more tips on decorating gravesites or Boiling Springs, NC funeral homes? We are here to help and are honored to do what we can for you in your time of loss.

What is Prolonged Grief?

Prolonged grief is just one of the many types of grief that people can experience after a loss and a service at a funeral home in Kings Mountain, NC. It’s when you continue to feel overwhelming or debilitating feelings of sadness and mourning over a loss that happened several months or years in the past.

This kind of grief is very common when you lose a very close loved one, like a child or a spouse, and is sometimes referred to as Prolonged Grief Disorder because of its devastating effects on health, mental state, and overall wellness. The symptoms of prolonged grief include:

Loss of trust in others or oneself
Numbness to emotion
Extreme anger or bitterness
Debilitating or unreasonable fear of more loss
Overreactions to minor losses or issues
Fixation on the loss
Difficulty accepting the loss
Loss of purpose or direction
Irritability
Loss of self-identity or self-worth

Here are some fast facts on prolonged grief to help you better understand the condition and its impact on someone going through a loss:

Some people are more likely to experience PGD than others – Some people are predisposed to prolonged grief, such as parents who have lost a child, women, people who have lost someone suddenly or violently, and those that are already suffering from other hardships like divorce or depression.
Prolonged grief isn’t just about death – People who have suffered other kinds of losses besides death can suffer from PGD. These losses can include the loss of a job, divorce, or even the loss of a dream.
Counseling goes a long way – One of the best ways to get through PGD is by seeking professional help early and often. Talking through your grief can help you accept it, which in turn can help you move forward in life. There is no shame in seeking help for any kind of mental distress, including grief.
Prolonged Grief Disorder is a real diagnosis – Prolonged Grief Disorder, or PGD, is a real diagnosis recognized by the World Health Organization and most mental health professionals. It’s defined through symptoms, their severity, and their length. In fact, PGD is well on its way to being classified as a mental disorder. It has been suggested for inclusion in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or the DSM.
Time doesn’t necessarily heal – The old adage “time heals all wounds” might be true for some, but it isn’t true for all people or all grief. In fact, for most people, grief over a loss is never fully “healed,” but rather it just becomes a part of life that they carry with them.
You can recover from PGD – While you may never “heal” from a loss, you can recover from prolonged grief disorder and be able to cope with the loss while living your life. The best ways to recover from the condition are to seek professional help, join a support group, and put an emphasis on your own personal stress and grief management.

Loss is never easy, but with the right support, you can get through prolonged grief. We are here to help if you want to learn more about grief, loss, or Kings Mountain, NC funeral homes. Call or visit us today.

Embalming and Funeral Homes

Embalming is the preservation of human remains to slow decomposition and disinfect the body. The process is thought of as both an art and a science as it requires great skill and experience. Bodies are usually embalmed so they’re suitable for viewing before a cremation or funeral service. They are also used to preserve bodies for medical purposes, whether for a laboratory or a medical school. Whether you’re having a cremation or a service at a funeral home in Shelby, NC, it’s helpful to be aware of the basics of embalming.

Embalming is frequently required by state law or funeral home regulations. Some states legally require refrigeration or embalming if a body is not cremated or buried within a certain period of time after death, while other states leave the requirements up to the funeral homes. While the exact laws and regulations vary, best practices are to bury or cremate a body within a few days of death or embalm it.

There are two main kinds of embalming, arterial and cavity, but both are usually used in the standard embalming process. Arterial embalming involves removing the blood from the veins and replacing it with the embalming solution. In other words, the blood is flushed out of the veins and arteries by the fluid. Cavity embalming is when the internal fluids are removed with tools called trocars and aspirators. While each embalming expert might have his or her own preferred technique, here are the general steps of the embalming process

The first step is to wash and disinfect the body. The embalmer will also massage the arms and legs to ease rigor mortis and perform any necessary shaving. Next, it’s time to set the features. The embalmer sets the body’s features by closing the eyes and positioning the mouth. The eyes are often held shut by plastic caps and the mouth is usually wired or sewn shut. The next step is to inject the embalming fluids and cavity embalming. An incision is made in the right common carotid artery and the right jugular vein in order to pump about two gallons of formaldehyde solution through the body.

As the solution is injected, it pushes the blood out of the veins and into a drain attached to the jugular. Bodily fluids and remaining gas are removed from the internal organs, like the bladder, intestines, and stomach, by a suction hose and a trocar. A trocar is an instrument with a three-sided point attached to a tube for removing fluids. After the fluids are removed, the embalmer injects embalming fluid to preserve the body and help it hold its shape. Finally, the embalmer then closes up any incisions made in the embalming process, gives the body a bath, and then dresses it. After about 24 hours, he will return to seal the incisions with a bonding adhesive to prevent leaks, apply makeup, and fix the hair.

Do you have more questions on embalming or Shelby, NC funeral homes? We’re happy to offer our expertise and compassionate services. Call or visit us today to learn more about what we can do for you in your time of loss or of preplanning.

Must-Read Pallbearer Tips

A pallbearer is someone that helps carry or officially escorts a casket during a funeral at a funeral home in Boiling Springs, NC. If you were asked to be a pallbearer for someone’s funeral, you need these tips for serving as a pallbearer for guidance and inspiration:

What Does a Pallbearer Do? – The pallbearer’s duties traditionally consist exclusively of carrying the remains from the hearse to the church or funeral home before the service, and then back into the hearse after the service. If the remains are to be buried or inurned, the pallbearers also carry them from the hearse to the final resting place. Here are more tips:
Serving as a Pallbearer is an Honor – Being chosen as a pallbearer means that the bereaved trust you and care about you. It’s a privilege, so do your best to treat the honor with dignity and respect.
Follow Instructions – Always follow the instructions of the family, and bereaved, and the funeral directors. This is true even if you’ve been a pallbearer before or have different ideas of how things should go. It’s not your time to shine, it’s your chance to be respectful and honor the deceased.
Turn Off Your Phone – It would be horrifying to have your phone ring during the service or, even worse, when you’re carrying the casket. Turn off your phone completely or leave it in your car or at home.
Consider Your Attire – Pallbearers need to dress appropriately. Unless the bereaved specify otherwise, men should wear dark, solid suits with white shirts and conservative ties, and women should wear dark pantsuits or dresses.
Be Prepared to Lift – The main job of a pallbearer is to lift and carry the casket, so prepare yourself. Remember, it’s OK to turn it down if you’re asked to be a pallbearer by can’t physically do the job.
Wear Sensible Shoes – You really don’t want to trip when carrying the casket. Be sure to wear sensible shoes that will help keep your feet firmly planted on the ground and will be supportive when you lift the casket.
Being Nervous is Normal – It’s true that all eyes will be on you when you carry the casket, so it’s OK to be nervous. Just follow the instructions, breath deeply, and you’ll be alright.
Stay Back and Support the Family – Don’t rush out as soon as the service is over. Hang around for a bit to offer support, comfort, and assistance to the family.
Be On Time – You need to arrive at the funeral home or service location at or even before the time specified. This way you can be as prepared as possible and not rush or worry after a late arrival.

Hopefully, these tips will help you calm your nerves and make sure you are ready to take on this honor. We are here to help if you need more guidance when it comes to pallbearers or Boiling Springs, NC funeral homes. Call or visit us today to learn more about what we can do for you in your time of loss or of preplanning.

Getting Through Grief After Funeral Home Services

The death of a loved one, their service at a funeral home in Kings Mountain, NC, and the subsequent grief will never be easy. However, there are ways you can help ease the pain and help yourself heal. Use these ideas to soothe your pain and grief after the loss of a loved one, such as seeking help from a professional.

Be aware of clinical depression and watch out for complicated grief. It’s natural to feel depressed after a loss. In fact, many common symptoms of grief are the same as those of clinical depression. However, there is a difference between grief and clinical depression, and clinical depression does require professional help. Be on the watch for signs of clinical depression like your sadness does not subside over time, you feel hopeless or even suicidal, as though life will never get back to normal, you’ve pulled further and further away from your friends and family, and no grief-coping strategies seem to have worked for you.

Complicated grief is when you’re unable to move on after a loss. While grief does not have a fixed duration, it does generally ease with time. Complicated grief, however, involves prolonged and painful symptoms that prevent you from accepting the loss and living a normal life again. If you feel you might have complicated grief, seek help from a professional. Speaking with a mental health professional like a therapist or counselor can be very helpful and comforting in a time of loss and grief. If you’re unsure if you need to speak with a professional, take a moment, to be honest with yourself and your situation. There is no shame in getting help. You also need to take care of yourself. It’s easy to let self-care fall by the wayside when you’re grieving. However, you shouldn’t add physical ailments on top of your mental pain. Take care of yourself by eating regularly and healthfully, getting plenty of rest, exercising when you can, sharing your feelings with others, and allowing yourself to cry.

Try interacting with friends, family members, or other people in your community to remind yourself of the love, support, and positivity that surrounds you. If you can, fight the urge to isolate yourself. Even if you don’t want to talk about your grief, just spending time in silence with others can be helpful. If you’re not comfortable looking to friends or family for support, you can try a local support group. Don’t forget to seek support. The feeling of loneliness is very common after a loss. In fact, they’re natural. While it’s noble to try to stand on your own during this difficult time, you don’t have to do it alone. In reality, it’s actually better to lean on others when you’re going through a loss.

Remember, just as no two people will grieve the same way, not all of these tips will help everyone with their grief. Do what works for you and what makes you feel healthy and happy, and that you’re moving towards healing. We are here to help if you have more questions about grief or Kings Mountain, NC funeral homes.

All About Caskets and Funeral Homes

If you’re planning a service at a funeral home in Shelby, NC, you will most likely need to choose a casket for your lost loved one. But where do you start? The best place to begin is learning about the most common types of caskets, casket features, and casket materials.

To begin, there are wood caskets. Generally, wood caskets are made from solid hardwoods like mahogany, walnut, cherry, maple, oak, and pecan. Much like furniture made from harder wood is more expensive, the harder the casket wood the more expensive the casket will be. Other woods such as pine, poplar, and willow are generally the most affordable, and the least expensive wood casket option is wood veneer, pressed wood, and cloth-covered fiberboard. There are also metal caskets. The most common metals used to make caskets are bronze, copper, stainless steel, and carbon steel. Bronze and copper are the most durable as they will not rust over time, but they do tend to cost. Stainless steel and carbon caskets come in different thicknesses, each with its own price point. Metal caskets are usually more durable than wood, which is why they’re often marketed as “protective.” Though they do come with a rubber gasket to seal the casket, they do not slow down the decomposition process.

Cremation caskets are used to support the body while it’s being cremated and therefore need to be combustible and cannot have any metal parts. In fact, unless you would like a casket because you have a funeral before the cremation, you don’t have to have a true casket at all. You can choose a cremation container, or simple box, in which to cremate the body.

Don’t forget to think about additional features like lining, memory drawers, and casket corners. Casket interiors, or linings, come in a variety of materials. The most common are crepe, velvet, satin, linen, and velour. Memory drawers are special compartments built into the casket that hold small personal items you wish to bury with the deceased. These are special attachments to the outside of the casket that help denote the deceased’s life in some way, like a golfing or fishing symbol.

You also need to consider the size of the casket before you commit to choosing one. A standard casket is generally 84 inches long, 28 inches wide, and 23 inches tall. While the length of a casket is rarely an issue – as most bodies comfortably fit within the standard size – you may need to look at an “oversized” casket that has an extra width of 31 inches. What about features? Caskets come with two basic types of lids: half couches and full couches. Half Couch refers to a two-piece lid that’s usually partially opened (from the deceased’s waist up) for a viewing. Full Couch refers to a one-piece lid extending the length of the casket.

There are a lot of different caskets out there, all in different materials, shapes, sizes, and price points, so it can be hard to get started on choosing one for your lost loved one. We are here to help if you want to learn more about caskets or Shelby, NC funeral homes.

Affordable Monuments For After Funeral Home Services

Memorials have long been used to memorialize the deceased. They are usually permanent fixtures like large headstones or statues however, there are other monuments that are just as special but more affordable. Many people want to set up a monument to their lost loved one after a service at a funeral home in Boiling Springs, NC, but can’t afford the more traditional structures. Need some inspiration? This list of ideas for affordable monuments can help you memorialize your lost loved one while staying on budget:

Write a Memorial – Even if you’re not a gifted writer, it can still be meaningful to write some kind of memorial for your lost loved one. Try writing a poem, memoir, short story, or even just an essay about how you feel about their life and loss.
Repurpose Belongings – You can repurpose almost any of your lost loved one’s belongings as a memorial. For example, you can turn a shirt or blanket, pillow, or stuffed animal.
Make a Playlist or Mixtape – Music is very powerful and can help us work through difficult emotions. Make a playlist or a mixtape that reminds you of your lost loved one so you can listen whenever you’re thinking about them or you miss them. Don’t forget to share it with family and friends.
Memories – Your memories of your loved one are always with you and are also completely free. Use your memories as a monument to the deceased by telling stories about them to younger generations and by asking friends, family, and other loved ones to share their stories as well. Make these memories more permanent by asking people to write them down in a journey or, for the more tech-savvy, making a video compilation of them telling their memories.
Cremation Jewelry – Cremation jewelry takes part of the deceased’s cremains and turns it into jewelry that you can wear or carry with you at all times.
Photographs – Everyone has many pictures of loved ones, so it’s easy to use photographs as a monument when someone you love passes away. Simple framed photos and scrapbooks are equally meaningful and help you remember them.
Give to Charity – One of the best ways to honor the deceased is to help their good legacy live on through charitable giving. Even a small donation will go a long way toward helping a cause that your lost loved one believed in or cared about.
Plant a Memorial Garden – Flowers, trees, bushes, and other living things are always a beautiful reminder that life goes on and there can be beauty in the wake of loss. Plant a memorial garden for your lost loved one at home in your yard or work with your local authorities to plant a garden or even a tree in a public place.

These are just a few of the many ways you can memorialize your lost loved one without spending a large amount of money. We are here to help if you want more tips on memorialization or information on Boiling Springs, NC funeral homes.

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